


i'll always love you (years later)

by sweaterlou



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:31:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaterlou/pseuds/sweaterlou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's been a year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. and it still hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll always love you (years later)

it’s been a year.  
365 days.  
52 weeks  
12 months.  
and it still hurts.  
it’s like a piece is gone from him. the sky doesn’t shine the same way anymore. and the bed is always too cold. there is no one to wake him up in the morning, and no one to kiss him goodbye. the couch never holds two, and dinner is always a meal for one. the laundry load is smaller, and there is always too much toothpaste left in the tube. always one player, never two.  
it had happened so fast, so he didn’t feel any pain. or, that’s what the doctors say. just so happened that he was walking down the sidewalk while a drunk driver fell asleep at the wheel, causing the car to drive off the road. it was a one in a million chance that the car would hit anything but a building, since it was 2 a.m. and no one was on the streets. but ross was that one in a million. the car was going so fast, and he didn’t see it coming until the front bumper hit his body. and just as suddenly, he was gone. paramedics tried to save him, but he was trapped underneath the car and the restaurant building behind him, and even if they could have, he’d be crippled and living would be hell.   
danny got the call at 3:38 a.m.  
half awake, he answered the phone, thinking it was ross telling him he was on his way home from work, but instead he was met with a low, gruff voice.  
"hello. is this mr. avidan?" and danny rolled his eyes and rubbed at his face, cursing at the man for waking him up.  
"why, yes. it is. may i help you?" he said, sleep lacing his voice.   
"there’s been an.. accident." the man said. and suddenly, nothing mattered anymore. danny tried to listen, but only caught certain words; car, sleeping, impact, no chance, ross and all the rest was blacked out. everything was in slow motion as he looked around the room at the pictures on the wall that held memories that suddenly seemed so unrealistic. he looked down at the floor to see the jumper ross had thrown there just five hours ago. he picked it up and looked at it as the man talked on about information. he looked at the coffee stains and ripped threads on it. he had told ross so many times to get rid of it, it’s too ratty and you’ve got other ones, but now.. now it was the only thing that was keeping him together.   
"and we’d like you to come to the hospital as soon as you can, okay? mr. avidan?" the man said. danny shook his head and cleared his throat.  
"yeah," his voice cracked, "yeah, i’ll be right there." click. the phone dropped from his hand and clattered against the floor. he gripped the jumper tightly in his hands. and he didn’t cry. he didn’t curse god or flip out. he just smiled as tears filled his eyes.  
"you fucking stupid australian. how dare you leave me alone." he muttered, and then everything went black.   
when he realized that he was still a living human being, when he could feel again, it was at ross’s funeral. everyone he cared around surrounded him and hugged him tightly and whispered condolences to him, but he was just an empty shell of a man. he had stopped eating, stopped taking care of himself, stopped giving a damn. arin had made him stay at his and suzie’s place until danny was better.   
it had been seven and a half weeks since that night.  
and danny still wasn’t any better.  
as the priest prayed and everyone was silent, danny just looked up at the sky and thought about how lovely the day was. the sun was high and the wind was light and cool, and it was the type of day where ross would try to bring him to the beach. if he listened closely, he could hear ross’s laugh as the ocean waves pounded against the shore. if he closed his eyes, he could see ross standing by the waters edge with his stupid khakis and sunglasses, arms held out like he was on the titanic. if he opened his heart for the first time in weeks, he could imagine ross still there with him, whispering jokes in his ear and hand holding his. if he opened his eyes to the real world, he’d see that everything sat in a coffin in front of him.   
tears came to his eyes as he fully realized for once, what reality was. there was no more time for games, no more time for beach trips, and no more time for showing how much he loved ross. his hands shook and he gritted his teeth so he wouldn’t break.   
the wind blew, and it was comforting. warm, like a hug. and the sound of the wind was beautiful. the sound of wind chimes, the sound of birds, and the sound of rustling leaves. and danny swears he heard it, and he’ll swear to this day. he swears he heard that voice that he had grown to know, and miss. he swears it was ross’s final goodbye to him.  
"stay strong." is what he says he heard. and he didn’t question it for a moment. didn’t bother to look up and see if anyone had been talking to him, because he knew it was his ross telling him to man up and stop acting like a baby. and he knew it was always ross telling him that he loved him. and that’s what all he really needed to start feeling again.  
the casket lowered, and yes, danny was sad. sad that he could never hold ross in his arms again, sad that he couldn’t sit on that couch and play games with him anymore, and sad that he could never look over and see that beautiful face again. but a sense of happiness sat in his chest, because he knew he’d always have that idiot over his shoulder watching him, and making sure to keep him in line. even though ross was gone, he was still there. and he always would be.  
when danny got home, he pulled on the jumper and settled into his side of the bed. the shirt was a size too small and it was itchy, and he wondered why ross loved it so much, but he didn’t care because he felt ross’s arms around him and he smiled for the first time in weeks. he closed his eyes and fell asleep with the image of the man he loved in his mind.  
it’s now been a year.  
365 days.  
52 weeks.  
12 months.  
and danny still loves ross.  
++


End file.
